Crucial Conversations- Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
glory_bWhen people first hear the term "crucial conversation," many
conjure up images of presidents, emperors, and prime ministers
seated around a massive table while they debate the future of the
world. Although it's true that such discussions have a wide
sweeping and lasting impact, they're not the kind we have in
mind. The crucial conversations we're referring to in the title of
this book are interactions that happen to everyone. They're the
day-to-day conversations that affect your life.
Now, what makes one of your conversations crucial as opposed
to plain vanilla? First, opinions vary. For example, you're talking
with your boss about a possible promotion. She thinks you're
not ready; you think you are. Second, stakes are high. You're in a meeting with four coworkers and you're trying to pick a new
marketing strategy. You've got to do something different or your
company isn't going to hit its annual goals. Third, emotions run
strong. You're in the middle of a casual discussion with your
spouse and he or she brings up an "ugly incident" that took place
at yesterday's neighborhood block party. Apparently not only did
you flirt with someone at the party, but according to your spouse,
"You were practically making out." You don't remember flirting.
You simply remember being polite and friendly. Your spouse
walks off in a huff.
And speaking of the block party, at one point you're making
small talk with your somewhat crotchety and always colorful
neighbor about his shrinking kidneys when he says, "Speaking of
the new fence you're building ... " From that moment on you
end up in a heated debate over placing the new fence-three
inches one way or the other. Three inches! He finishes by threat
ening you with a lawsuit, and you punctuate your points by men
tioning that he's not completely aware of the difference between
his hind part and his elbow. Emotions run really strong.
What makes each of these conversations crucial-and not sim
ply challenging, frustrating, frightening, or annoying-is that the
results could have a huge impact on the quality of your life. In each
case, some element of your daily routine could be forever altered
for better or worse.